Unrestricted Love, Unhindered Motherhood
If I look at recent news in Indonesia, the cases that frequently appear are domestic violence, husbands’ infidelity, and husbands murdering their wives. It makes me wonder, is marriage really that terrifying?
Marriage in Indonesia is often practiced in conditions that are exceedingly absurd, repulsive, and oppressive, leading — in most cases — to the transformation of love’s joy into a mutual enslavement of horrifying proportions. Marriage falls into the patriarchal trap, a culture deeply ingrained in the nation’s civilization.
The oldest and strongest tool of patriarchy is competition and isolation imposed on women. A culture that places men above women in the family implies women’s roles are confined to household chores and serving men in their families. Women are always seen as objects of possession, which explains the high incidence of sexual, physical, and verbal violence against women in Indonesia.
The most crucial aspect is how patriarchal men must relearn about love and undergo a spiritual revolution. As men, we should reject and combat the social norms imposed upon us. Masculinity and hegemonic personalities must be fought against. The desire to control and dominate must be abandoned. Only then can we truly love, love with meaning.
Marriage is often seen as an event in life that brings safety and love. However, marriage is one of the most significant forms of oppression against women, society, and the youth. Many of us are unaware that marriage is a tool of patriarchy and capitalism that forces women into their roles as household reproductive tools, a form of unpaid labor.
This is deeply concerning for adult women, but even worse for children trapped in the hell of a legitimate extended family. Torn apart by parental anger, subdued or released with fervor, their education is a compromise of what they rightfully deserve. Children born and raised by incompetent parents are likely to grow up worse off than their parents.
Therefore, I believe that it is wrong for a young woman to get married, to sacrifice the little freedom she has. Those who genuinely desire a young woman’s happiness should not hinder her from knowing that science provides her with the means to become a mother only if she desires.
The freedom to become a mother is a vital condition for the realization of freedom in love. Freedom in love should have no guide other than physiological knowledge and sexual caution. Love cannot thrive in isolation. To love, we need awareness, morality, and the desire to change ourselves and society.
To summarize, may Indonesian women liberate themselves from the chains of patriarchy; may they become the sole determiners of their fate; may they not expect anything from the law; let them know how to desire something; may they take action. Ultimately, they will recognize the essential aspect of universal emancipation and will immediately enjoy two mutually complementing goods: the freedom of love, the freedom to be mothers!
